It sounds, to me, that there is some reason why, a block, in your self or your feelings from society, that sadism is a bad thing. If you could unblock this energy flow, you might embrace the identity of being a sadist & find comfort in it.

Yes I'm saying you don't need to stop these feelings of sadism bec you have yet to explore them & understand them.
It just seems to me that you've told yourself that sadist=bad person.
Why is that?