fishwithoutabowl-

Did you start the discussion about strategies for transference outside of therapy, inside of therapy, both, or either? I was thinking you were not in therapy, which I may have wrongly assumed. Not that it matters a great deal, but I thought the context would be helpful for the discussion. Or maybe you meant this to be a general thread about transference strategies?

My strategy is to ignore those who treat me that way (as much as possible). I suppose that's avoidance. Actually, maybe that's just common sense (maybe I should stop labeling things so much). But these feelings of rejection and abandonment and worthlessness come up in therapy from interacting with my therapist, which are the type of transference feelings that I find very useful in working through. I think if you discuss the feelings over and over with your therapist as they come up, the feelings get diminished and they don't have as much power over you. Eventually. It takes so incredibly long when these patterns are ingrained.

I think it comes down to transforming your sense of self, where you don't believe these things about yourself. That's the long way-the psychoanalytic way. (Side note: problems arise when the therapist has negative countertransferences or doesn't have a solid sense of self. Then the client ends up repeating the patterns of childhood from attachment with a parent who didn't have a solid sense of self-the reason some of us are in therapy to begin with. That can lead to strengthening the negative view of oneself, leaving one worse off.)

Still wondering about defenses. This is how CBT failed me-the therapist told me my belief was distorted and to lie to myself. For example, feelings of worthlessness. Why would I be self-deceptive? How could I be? The feeling of worthlessness itself is not distorted--that is 100% reality based. I already know the belief itself is false--I know I'm not worthless. But how do I get defenses to not feel worthless?

Defense building may be a strategy, but how is that done? I've read about how maladaptive defenses are replaced by healthy ones; I think the client's therapist's voice/words is supposed to facilitate that. I suppose a person ends up not feeling worthless through the therapy process, but the psychoanalytic way is the long way. But maybe the lasting way.

So I mentioned theory. Here's an example of how I think this might work when applied it 2 different ways:

#1: This is an example of psychoanalytic (my experience-others may vary):
Me: When I told my mother I was in the hospital for x, the first thing she said was "x went to the hospital a few years ago for the same thing. She turned out fine." (followed by what seemed like fake concern)
T: You felt invisible.
Me: Yes, it was like she didn't 'see' me as a person. It triggers feelings of being objectified when x (trauma) happened to me. Those who who viewed me as an object didn't see I am a human being with feelings and knowingly harmed abused me.
T: Your mother didn't empathize with you.

In this case, there was no explicit defense building (not that it would happen with one time anyway). I still feel the feelings related to trauma, while in the past, I may have used repression--an unhealthy defense--for interactions with my mother like this. And this discussion will lead to more of the related feelings throughout the week, where I continue to feel the invisible feelings from relating to my mother. But there is a positive feeling of being listened to and empathized with from my T being there for me. And self exploration to understand my sense of self that would have existed had I been nurtured and treated like a person of worth. But it doesn't negate the feelings of worthlessness. That will have to come with time. Years.

This example doesn't get into transference, oops. Most of the work wouldn't be about my interactions with others. It would be working through the feelings of rejection by our interactions in the transference, not interactions with my mother. But too late; I already wrote this out and need to wrap this up...but still thinking about defense building helping alleviate transference feelings.

#2: This might be an example of how humanistic therapy would facilitate defense building:

Me: When I told my mother I was in the hospital for x, the first thing she said was "x went to the hospital a few years ago for the same thing. She turned out fine." (followed by what seemed like fake concern)
T: I'm sorry your mother didn't empathize with you. You deserve to be treated with compassion. You matter.
Me: Silence (What do I say? Do I internalize the positive regard?)

So, #2 seems like it could mitigate the feelings of worthlessness; the intervention leads to supression--a mature defense--where the feeling of worthlessness would be put in the back of my mind while I digest the positive view of myself told to me by my therapist. An implicit intervention of defense building. But this wouldn't involve working with the transference so much--most likely because I wouldn't be feeling any feelings of rejection by this therapist because she interjects with her view of me rather than allow that large space between us as illustrated in #1, where I am left feeling the feeling. In #2, the therapist distracts from feeling the negative feelings. A therapist relating like this kind of erases possible transferences that may come up. Hmm.

Sorry if I'm all over the place, but I find your posts to be thought provoking. I have to get back to my project now.