I did return to college. I was living on borrowed time, and I couldn't take many more blows to my fragile state of mind. So I pulled through by the skin of my teeth. I shook with nerves doing a talk. I couldn't quit. They stole my thunder. I came out with odd opinions. I was not brave. Misguided, arrogant, maybe. Why did I pursue that subject, my cover was blown, here was my opportunity....freeze....stumble...stutter....vague...not convinced.....sit and listen...I couldn't open up to a group of strangers who was I trying to kid....my mother pretended that her and my father never existed and I was following suit. All I had to say was I had experience of mental health, depression, 1 in 4,
but I told the cv guy and he changed the subject quicker than Usain Bolt. I think I decided that the world wasn't ready for such frankness

I forgot about Derek, my late cousin, superstar...

My mind was becoming a Kafka novel, lost In the neurosis, the castle inside a labyrinth, in a maze, inverted, an enigma, never-ending mathematical equation, a dog chasing it's tail

I feel sorry for the poor punter that ends up with you...