Thank you everyone.

RJ, you hit the nail on the head... trust is a huge issue with me. If people see me beaten down and weak, they'll use it. I only trust a couple people to see me as I truly am. I think most of my energy has gone to making myself seem un-phased by the world. Alone & confused; I think I'll attempt at your strategy. It'll be hard for me to put my guard down like that, but maybe it's worth a try.