u have a therapist? I think a good therapist is the only way you are going to be able to start getting over this problem. I have very mild ocd and its impossible for me to stop my "rituals," but when it comes to your obsession it is really affecting your life and you can't get through it without some serious and professional help. If you can't get help for yourself do it for your baby. An irrational parent will have an extraordinarily hard time caring for a child. (By the way I'm not saying you're not capable of being a good mother, but you owe it to your child to get better.)