Thanks so much. You all are really sweet. I don't feel like I deserve the support I got here, though. I think the reason I have trouble making connections is my fault, after all.

I think what I really wanted was to feel loved. Growing up, I always had this promise to myself that I'd feel loved and appreciated someday, and to just keep holding out until then. Well, I'm all grown up, and I don't think that promise is going to happen anymore. So, I don't know where to find happiness anymore. Not to mention that my life's a mess and that I suffer from depression pretty chronically.

I've pushed myself to act like a normal person, and thought the life and love I wanted would eventually come to me, but it doesn't seem like it. I wonder if a good life for me would be living in the middle of nowhere and not having anyone around.

Not to mention that I feel like I'm wasting away feeling sorry for myself all the time. I just feel unwanted and like a burden to everyone around me. I can barely do anything these days without my feelings overcoming me and having to stop almost immediately. This is no way for anyone to live. I wish I wasn't born. My poor family might've never broken up with me gone, and my family didn't like me very much. I was the kid everyone ignored. I was destined to become a loser from the start, it feels like.