I'm really struggling with a highly abusive and difficult situation and not sure what to do.

I graduated a year ago from higher ed. Unfortunately, I trained for a job in a very difficult field -- following my passion, rather than thinking practically. It was very isolating, and I made few friends. After graduation, I didn't have a job lined up, so I stayed for a year and took two part-time positions at the school that I graduated from doing odds and ends. It amounted to 40 hours. The pay wasn't great, but I was surviving.

My parents have been begging me to move home for years, claiming that they missed me. Part of the reason that I took the jobs at my school this past year was to stay away from my mother who is an alcoholic. She's a nice person when she is sober, but when she drinks, her entire personality changes. She's not the same. Last time when I was home, I got in a bad fight with her and cut myself with a knife across the stomach so bad that it was bleeding and still have scar. When she is drunk just being in the house with her is enough to for her to pick a fight with me and cause a major blow out. She hates the sight of me.

This year, I got offered a job at home that was full time. I accepted the position and agreed to move back. Since it's only a one year temporary job, I decided to move back in with them. I owe a lot of money in student loans. It's been an absolutely horrible month since I've been back. My mother has been worse than ever. I have two months until my new job begins, and she has been belligerent to me, extremely verbally and emotionally abusive, and my self harm has reached new levels. I currently have a black eye, scratches down one side of my face, and a broken finger, all self inflicted. She mocks me, screams at me, berates me, and tells me that I'm worthless on a daily basis and that I'm going nowhere.

She screams in my face: "Grow up." "Get your life together." "Get out of here, princess." "You just want to live like a college kid, forever." "There are 20 year olds at my job who are more mature than you." 'They make fun of you when I tell them about
you at my work." "I don't know where I went wrong with my kids." "Get out of here." "Leave." "Go." "You're pretty stupid." "I hope you end up somewhere dead." "I do everything for you." "You're scared." "Perpetual student." "You're just a baby." "You're like a sixteen year old." "Lazy."

I have out of state insurance that doesn't cover counseling here. I don't get my new insurance until I start working, and I don't yet have a car.

My father is emotionally and verbally abusive, also. I think he pushed her toward alcoholism because of his own mental problems. He's some type of narcissist.

My brother is selfish, cold, and distant. If I tell him what is going on, he brushes it off saying, "I wasn't there. I don't know what to tell you." I was in the car with one of his friends recently, who couldn't believe how rude he was when I brought up a fight with my mother. It's amazing. He's also the favorite child of my mother, who does everything for him and babies him like a child.

I have no family. My mother's adoptive parents are dead, and her adoptive brothers are homeless drug addicts. My mother's biological family told her on her 50th birthday to never contact them again, and they want nothing to do with us. I haven't heard from them in 20 years, and they live in another state. My father's parents are both long dead, and my father's sister's family only have shallow relationships with us. We see them once a year.

I have no family, no friends. No one cares if I live or die. I'm not sure resources exist for me, out there. I tried to reach out to my one friend, as I've lost most friends because it's hard to be around me because I'm always depressed. Most of the time, my one friend ignores me and doesn't return my phone calls.

I'm not sure what to do anymore or that there's much hope for my life.

P.S. After I accidentally broke my finger. My finger was purple and swollen. She told me to take the splint off, I was just faking it to get attention.

My mother drinks daily, while driving home from work. She's wasted by the time she walks in the door. She refuses to admit she has any type of problem and blames everyone else for her drinking. No one believes me when I try to tell them about her alcoholism because in public, she acts overly nice and normal.