another confession today....this may be important for me...
I have wanted to be loved by others...unconditionally...
that is not going to happen in my life....
my mother came the closest...but she is dead..
my father did not love me...he didn't want me..

the real problem----I am having a very hard time loving myself unconditionally..
I hate myself for having a mental illness...I tend to think it was my fault..
that is not very loving of myself...I was a good kid...I did some bad things..

I really need to deal with my own stuff/ssst now before I die...
why...because I want to be happier....I just need to be more loving toward my own self..
maybe this is the most important thing to do in life...to go to the bedrock of who you actually are in real life...

I will start now...I am very lazy...I am able to think a lot about the causes of everything..
I think it is important right now to love myself...not hate myself...
I hate myself for breaking down 3 times...