This is my first time ever posting in a forum but I feel like I've reached the end of my emotional rope and don't know where else to reach out. Currently pregnant with my 4th (unplanned) child. Have struggled with lifelong depression off and on, usually controlled alright with the right dosage. The problem is that during pregnancy the doctors limit me to a low dosage of Zoloft which doesn't block out the depression. They never want to go higher. My husband is stay at home dad and i I'm currently working 6 days a week to support us. I'm exhausted! I have no idea how I'd ever fit therapy into my life, even if it would help. I get so down because I feel like I can't do it all. We don't have family by us to help us out. I also don't have a friend support network because I always feel like it's so hard to find people who would understand our situation and not judge us--let alone finding time and energy to hang out with people and be a good friend in return. I just graduated with my bachelors degree and was ready to take some next steps in my career so we could stop living paycheck to paycheck (right now we are so poor, I'm taking on more at work to beef up my résumé but not getting paid enough). But now that I am 4 months pregnant I feel like I have to wait until after the baby comes. But I am so depressed much of the time. I recently spent my only day off crying all day because the house is such a mess, my little kids want and need my attention since they never see me, and I'm TIRED. I was full of guilt because I wanted to do something fun with them but all I could do was cry and be exhausted. Which made me feel even more depressed and guilty. I am currently 17 weeks and have only shared the news with a few people because I feel like everyone will criticize that we are so poor and pregnant again. We only have 2 bedrooms and soon 4 kids to shelter! Everything seems so bleak. Sometimes I think about how I wish I didn't exist, that my kids would be better off with other parents, or about breaking and throwing stuff and ripping my hair out. I just don't know what to do anymore. Doctors always feel like a dead end when pregnant. But what I feel is NOT normal. I try to talk to my husband about it but he also struggles with depression and it makes him feel like he doesn't do a good enough job. Can anyone give me advice or share experiences that could give me some hope? Some days I wake up and feel like I can cope but on others it literally feels like the world is ending. I still have to tell my job I'm pregnant, but the guilt is killing me. Please help