You didn't do this, granite, it's not your fault. Healing takes time and everyone has their own internal timing and it can't be forced. I'm so sorry your t is retiring, I hope that at some point you will be able to work with another t, please don't give up on yourself, you are so worthwhile and you are not so beyond hope that no one can help you. I truly believe that from everything you have posted on here in the past. you have done SUCH amazing work my friend, you are an amazing and strong woman and I am sending you lots of hugs and healing light.