I think you're afraid of my feelings. I realise now that this is an impression that I've had again and again and again, and yet I haven't spoken to you about it.

I realise all or some of it might well be projection. And that would make sense - it's familiar to me. Most people are afraid of the intensity of my feelings. The loving ones and the hateful ones. I include myself in that. My feelings are scary.

But you tell me I'm holding back, I'm afraid of expressing myself, and it's as if you're trying to bring me out of that, but then... later... you tell me not to push myself. It feels like a contradiction. When you told me not to push myself too far... I didn't feel that you were saying it for my benefit. I felt that you were saying it to protect yourself.