Well, here we are on Monday morning and thank god I'm back at work. The structure, the focus, the locked in expectations of mood and behavior. Now I remember why I work all the time. You can hide in a job.

I want you all to know that I read every single post and though they don't eliminate the problem, they definitely help. Depression is terrible but being alone in it is a living hell. You didn't leave me alone and I'm grateful.

The despair is a pit in the center of my being but as I said, the job distracts and I feel like I can manage to maintain appearances today. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of this episode, maybe not. But I'm grateful for the reprieve created out of the necessity of paychecks and career.

My plan for the evening is to split my time between my family and freelance work. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit still long enough to be consumed by the darkness again. Working until I collapse sounds like a much better option.

Cyran0