"...One day I was walking along Tinker Creek thinking of nothing at all and I saw the tree with the lights in it. I saw the backyard cedar where the mourning doves roost charged and transfigured, each cell buzzing with flame. I stood on the grass with the lights in it, grass that was wholly fire, utterly focused and utterly dreamed. It was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen, knocked breathless by a powerful glance. The lights of the fire abated, but I'm still spending the power. Gradually the lights went out in the cedars, the colors died, the cells unflamed and disappeared. I was still ringing. I had my whole life been a bell, and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck. I have since only rarely seen the tree with the lights in it. The vision comes and goes, mostly goes, but I live for it, for the moment when the mountains open up and a new light roars..."

If I had any idea how to get off the rollercoaster, I probably wouldn't be here. I only survive by living from one moment of clarity to the next - sometimes they're few and far between, other times they are more frequent. In my humble experience, taking time to have gratitude for self awareness, and more importantly, awareness of the world unfolding around you, can be the best medicine to disengaging from those inner dramas. I've seen your posts around and it seems you have a great mind and a kind heart and that is precious - take whatever time you can to love on yourself for that, and forgive yourself for the rest. Wishing you love, rest, and healing. <3

[the quote is Annie Dillard - Pilgrim at Tinker Creek]