Thanks Pflower, I appreciate it.
It's a troubling thought, but I have a part in this, since I feel I have unlimited potential inside, yet in action I've been hardly doing much compared to how much I feel I can give.

Today was quite a great day at work in the social context.
I want to believe my brain is strong, yet sometimes all I can say is my brain (me) is angry. I just want to actually see I can accomplish great feats. I want to believe my brain and others' can recover. Yet it's still an existential issue that has been bothering me, though after a good day at work I feel better about myself for now.

This subject has been in my head for a long time, and I hardly got any satisfying answers to my concerns.