No, you don't. I felt exactly this way just a couple weeks ago. I didn't think anything would help. I was having terrible dark intrusive thoughts, and I was hospitalized for being suicidal. I finally let them do electroconvulsive therapy just to get my family off my back. After the third treatment, I felt much better. I'm also on meds. Don't be afraid to get help. What have you got to lose? You can't go on like this. Please give it a try and keep trying. It's a process and it's different for everyone.