I would like to find the right words but unfortunately I can't.
I can tell you that a couple of days ago I wrote "Save me or let me drown, but please don't let me float". I think you are floating like me, I'm always pushed and crushed by my own mind and somehow I know I'll continue to float. I don't know how I menage to do it but I still do. It comes a time though when I'm sick of floating, of just going with the events, and everything I want is to be saved or to be drowned.
Everything I can say to you is let someone save you! The world in our minds can be dark but when you are on top of it you can also discover the abysses. When you drown you can't see the top.