I may write up yesterday's session with MC later, but what it made me realize/understand is probably more important--or at least more at the forefront of my mind right now. So posting the e-mails I sent him (not expecting a response before tomorrow at earliest, since today is a holiday):
Hi Dr. MC,

Thanks for today's session. I was really stressed about some stuff that we didn't bring up (see below), and just seeing you helped with that. Like, it was comforting just being in your presence, cheesy as that may sound.

It also made me realize something. I'm sorry in advance for bringing up this topic, even though I know you'd say it's OK to bring up anything. But this is about me being upset with you when you'd said you hadn't intended to tell us about your wife's passing. At the time, it hurt, and I didn't understand why you'd keep something like that from us, especially when we had some awareness of what was going on.

But today, there was stuff I didn't bring up in session because of that, because of some stuff you told us about her. I hope it's OK to share it here. Last week, I found out via Facebook that someone I went to college with--someone my age--has stage 3 breast cancer. That upset me and also prompted me to finally schedule a mammogram that my doctor had ordered for me due to some family history because I'm now 40. I had it done Friday and have been a bit of a wreck ever since, fearing that they found something. I also need to schedule a pelvic ultrasound as a sort of ovarian cancer screening, because my mom had it at my age (I've had a couple scans before). That terrifies me even more.

All of this has triggered intense fears of mortality in me, which is in some ways related to the whole future career thing (not so much with the dog) [stuff that came up in session]. And I spent last session with T sobbing about all those fears about myself and my parents (pretty sure that's what was actually going on with my fears that you had some terminal illness...that it was really about my aging parents). Incidentally I've talked about it with H some, and he's been supportive.

And it would have been a topic to bring up today, except...I just didn't feel like I should. I know you said your wife had breast cancer, and I'm pretty sure you said the surgery for that triggered a setback for her. So I didn't want to make you think of that. Or to talk about fears of my own mortality, especially in relation to leaving D.

I'm sure you'll say it would have been fine to bring any of that up. That I shouldn't worry about your feelings or reaction. And that I shouldn't care about you in that way, that's it's just supposed to be you caring about me/us. But you know that I do...

So, anyway, I wanted to let you know that I understand now, why you weren't planning to say anything. Because of stuff like this. I feel bad even about bringing it up here in this e-mail, but I feel kind of like I had to get it out. I hope that's OK.

Could you at least let me know you read this? (And that it was OK to bring it up?)

Thanks (and I'd wish you a Happy 4th, but that seems out of place here),
LT

And (today):
Also, I still feel bad about pressing you on that issue before. You were (are) grieving, and I was making it all about me. and what it meant about the realities of the therapeutic relationship. I should have just explored that with T and left you alone about it. I know you'll probably say it was OK, how therapy is supposed to be about me, not you. But still, I wish I had been more sensitive to what you were going through and not pushed you to deal with my reaction to your loss.

So, I'm really sorry about that. I hope you can accept my apology, even though you probably will say it's not necessary.

Thanks,
LT