Hey. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. The pain can seem unbearable at times. I know it may not feel like it right now, but you won't feel like this forever. The feeling of wanting to check out early can be very strong, that's really good that you are keeping yourself safe by getting rid of extra pills.

I don't think sui is ever easy, whether you have a family you would be leaving behind or not. We never realize how many people's lives we actually affect, especially when depression tries to convince us they would be better off without us. While fantasizing about it may temporarily make you feel better, try not to let your thoughts go there. Distract yourself and do something to get your mind off of yourself as much as possible.

I have been there before and get it. But at this moment, I am ver happy that I am still here. and that is not nothing. I am sending you a little bit of hope to hang onto that it really does get better. Please be safe and reach out to a T or
Pdoc etc if you need immediate help. Hang in there. Hugs.