Hello Breezy, I am sorry you are feeling alone, isolated and powerless over your life. I hear you. I have very similar circumstances to what you have described.

I have had some therapy and done a lot of self-reflection this year and I have learned a lot. I have severe social anxiety, which is exactly what you seem to be describing as well.

For me, the cause of that anxiety was the emotional neglect I was treated with all my life by my parents. Just as Prefabsprout said, and to elaborate a bit more, what we learn in childhood is what we repeat for the rest of our lives - while that is all we know. Our templates/patterns of relating with others also applies to relating to our Selves. As a child, if we didn't receive the clear consistent messages that we are worthy of unconditional love as we should have, then we assume the opposite and come to believe that we are unworthy and end up becoming fearful. I, like you, am fearful (and thus severely anxious) of other people but have learned there are reasons for this. Reasons that can be addressed through hard work on ourselves. We now need to fill ourselves up, so we are no longer empty inside, and give ourselves the unconditional love we never received, to 'see' ourselves instead of seeking to feel 'seen' by others, to believe in our own worthiness.

Google: Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb.
Read a blog post of hers and see if it resonates with you. Her book is really good, made sense of my lifelong struggles and now I have sought therapy to help with the aftermath of the neglect.

Hope this helps. Nice to meet you on here.

All the best x