I've been awake since 1am. It is now nearly three. I woke up in a panic over something, I don't know what. I ran into my son's room to check on him; he was fine, but I can't shake this panicky feeling. I feel like I don't know what day it is. The holiday threw me off, plus not working is throwing me off.

My pdoc seems to think I'm heading toward hypomanic based on this insomnia thing. I'm unsure. I do take naps during the day, but it's mostly out of boredom. I don't feel euphoric.

It's hard to say what's a mood swing and what's the effects of nicotine withdrawal. I'm super irritable but that could be due to no cigarettes, as could the anxiety and insomnia. I'm taking GABA to try and combat the anxiety. Thinking of trying l-theanine as well now that I'm off the MAOI.

My behavior is iffy. I got drunk again tonight, that makes 5 days out of 8. I don't want to develop an alcohol problem. I drink out of boredom, mostly. For the past year or so I have gotten drunk every weekend. I tend to drink every night I don't have work, which is an issue right now because I'm on summer break. And I don't have a job lined up for the fall. I can see how quickly this can get out of hand.

I was also impulsive with a guy. I dont regret it but it was definitely out of character for me.

I've been exercising more, which is good, but again, out of character. But also something I'm doing out of boredom.

I am so insanely bored without working. So is this hypomania? I don't really think so. I think it's nicotine withdrawal and boredom combined.

My therapist suggested I take up a hobby that I used to like to do, like knitting or jewelry making. I might do that.

I hope I can get back to sleep soon. I have a job interview at 10:30am.

Thanks for reading my insomnia ramblings.