This is a topic that I've been thinking about - what is typical vs too much? If I reach out when I'm really depressed or anxious mid week, will I become too much and she'll dump me?

Here's the long story:
I had a t (2 t's ago) with whom I became too attached. Ultimately I called in an extreme crisis as a last-ditch effort for help, and she just said, "see you next week." So I took action that left me in the ICU. The t then dropped me like a hot potato while I was in the hospital - not very professional. Then 1 t ago I tried not to contact but at our last planned session she said I did contact a lot.

With current t I've been very careful. She says I can email, text or call as needed but I don't trust that. Currently, between our separate vacations, it has been 5 weeks since I've seen my current t, and she encouraged me to email; I agreed to email 1x week. The last couple of weeks she has been emailing me to just ask how I am doing; and she said that I could be emailing her more than 1x a week.

But I am so afraid of becoming too dependent upon her and becoming too much. I became too much for the first t and it almost cost me everything. I think my reluctance to contact current t in mini-crisis has two negatives: (1) she has no way to know how bad my mood gets so it is harder for her to see a major crash coming, and (2) it prevents me from trusting her too much.

Thanks for the space to express this.