I relate. I thought I was special, too. I wasn't even thinking in terms of ethical-unethical. I believed his actions must be ok. He's a doctor. He should know.

I only questioned his actions once the intimacies stopped. If it was such a good idea and part of therapy (he said) then why did it stop? Why wouldn't he discuss with me why it stopped? I played back his own words.. that I shouldn't tell anyone...that having sex with a client was "frowned upon."

That's when I started to ask other people questions. That's when I did research in a medical library (before I had a computer). I figured I would look for published academic articles about the topic and weigh those articles "in-favor" vs. articles "against" to find out. I found a few phone numbers in those articles of therapists/authors/professionals who had an opinion on the topic. I looked for contacts way far away from AbusivePDoc's sphere of influence. I didn't want to ask my family doctor. I didn't want to ask the therapist at county mental health. I didn't know how far AbusivePDoc's reach was and, by then, I was scared.

Even after I started seeing an expert in the field, I didn't want to believe she was right. "He just made a mistake," I said. I wanted to still see him. I cared about him. I found out it was a felony in that state and I still wanted to see him. I couldn't be wrong about him, he cared. It was just a mistake. He said terrible things about me. He told me he had sex with me because he felt sorry for me like he felt sorry for street people. I still protected his name. I still wanted to see him.

Then, he was arrested and my whole world blew up.