How do I deal with the lack of motivation that I've been having?
Ever since last week when my case manager that I grew close to and saw as a friend left to start another job at a homeless shelter, I have been struggling with depression.
I'm a college student, yet, I can't motivate myself to get my homework done no matter how hard I try. I find most of the work boring and tedious and I have been procrastinating because I simply don't care. In fact, the only reason why I went to college in the first place is because I need their resources to help me with things like therapy, job placement, help improving social skills, and having the leftover FAFSA money to pay for my living expenses since finding a job is still hard for me because of my poor social skills and struggle in interviews.
All I want to do is play games. I hate working. I just want to save up enough money to buy a cheap tiny house and some land for it and live there so I no longer have to fear homelessness. I don't care about my major or my education, especially considering the fact that I lost so much of my IQ due to being abused most of my life. I no longer see the point in learning because if I can't be a genius that changes the world, why bother? I would rather focus solely on a small, specialized set of knowledge that I can monetize than deal with all of the subjects at school that I truly don't care about.
My end goal has always been self employment. I am choosing this route because I hate working regular jobs and I hate being told what to do and I especially hate revolving my life around some prick that doesn't care about me. I want to do something like resell goods online or internet marketing because a lot of the money made off of these things require less work in the long run. All you need to do is set them up initially which takes a lot of work but afterwards, you can work 10-20 hours a week or less and make more money than many regular jobs pay.
Because of my long term goals, I truly have no desire to focus on my studies and education. The only reason why I'm here is because I'm poor and jobless. I am dependent on donating plasma 2x a week to get my needs met because I struggle with employment because of how utterly terrible I am at job interviews. I just want to do the online business ventures that I talked about but you need money to make money doing them and it would take me 6-12 months to establish a business to be able to take out loans or business credit. I have no desire to do anything else because having all of these adult responsibilities is so freaking overwhelming.
I just want to play my game right now. Gaming is the only thing that makes me happy right now especially since most of what little social life that I have right now involves people in my online game. I have nobody else in real life and I can't keep living this way. I'm so freaking miserable.
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