I oscillate from wanting to be clingy to wanting to push her away. Both are because I'm afraid of losing her. It's not logical, but in my mind, if I push her away it will be less painful then if she leaves me. In reality, both would kill me.

I deal with it by being upfront and telling her. We'll talk about it and she'll reassure me that she's not going anywhere. Even today I told her that I'm struggling with it. I also try my hardest not to react to either feelings. I try to remind myself that it's not about her, but about people in my past. And that both pushing her away and clinging to her are not what I really want. It's hard though. But with practice, you get used to fighting the urge.