My ending triggered abandonment and rejection feelings, and shame and self-blame. What helped take the edge off was recognizing just how dysfunctional this "relationship" was in its basic nature. I paid someone to pretend to care, while i pretended to benefit.

And it was a series of deceptions -- safe environment, client comes first, therapists are more mature, the boundaries are healthy, it's evidence-based, it's a process. etc. All lies. Seeing this clearly absolved me of much of the shame.