I'm going on a date tonight. It's the guy who seemed/seems uninterested. We have been doing this weird dance. I alternate from thinking he's not interested, feeling hurt that he is not timely in responding to messages (like, a week went by once. and last night, he never responded to my message to him. It wasn't a question to answer. but we were having a conversation, I thought. maybe he was busy, or tired, it was late. I don't ****ing know. LOL) to, we're going on a date. I finally told him the other day, I'd assumed he was a player. He said he has been on 2 dates in 6 months, and that he is a workaholic. ?? I don't know what to think. But I'm meeting him for the first time tonight, and I'm excited, and nervous.

While I don't like the effect dating has on me, usually the more I like someone, the more nervous I am. I don't know why I like this dude so much. Maybe the way he treated me (indifferent, in my opinion) had like an unconscious affect on me, and now I like him. I don't know. At the same time, he he's not what it seems to me like ignoring me, he seems really happy and excited to talk to me. One thing he said though, is that he likes to be wittier than the person he's talking to, and the other night, I was "wittier than him" so he didn't know what to say in response, like he was thinking of a response. It was weird. LOL. But he also called me sexy, which I loved.

The weird dance: last weekend, I messaged him, and he messaged back, but I just got a weird feeling like, because he wasn't messaging me back, and i didn't like it. So I finally said "forget it. this doesn't feel right." and he said sorry if he was rude, but didn't elaborate, and then wished me the best. Then 2 nights ago, i "liked" him on the dating site I'm on, and he messaged me. That was when I told him I'd thought he was a player, and he said he is not, and then we made the plans for a date.

There is a book called "Mars and Venus on a Date." I want to read it. I don't know if I'm just overly insecure, or if he has poor dating etiquette, or both. Or if I'm just reading into things. I think I just like this guy, and he seems uber relaxed, uber go with the flow, and maybe I'm reading into things. We're going on a date tonight, and I'm just really nervous. I'm excited too. This could be fun.

I wish I wasn't so insecure I do NOT like the way I'm feeling. I know I could get out of the date, but I don't want to, even though, it would make me feel better. I want to be able to DEAL with my emotions. and not run away from them.

I'd really like a male's perspective on this. Woman's is fine, too. I do think...there's a lot of stuff I just DON'T KNOW about this guy. And so my mind is making up stories. But I still don't like the way I feel. We are going to a museum I'm familiar with. So, at least there will be cool art there. And familiarity.

I should really stop thinking. I'm thinking a lot. lol.

I think just...the not knowing. Of everything. Is really scary to me. I don't know how I'll be tonight. I don't know if I'll be comfortable enough. I don't know if it will be fun. I kind of think it will be, though.