I think that desperation is a common feeling following the death of a loved one, and it does sound like your life is in crisis mode right now. Your feelings/insomnia make sense in that context. Death stirs up a serious and deep sense of mortality, and that can bring dread and all sorts of heavy and unfamiliar feelings - on top of everything else you're dealing with, I don't think anyone could blame you for feeling desperate. Rather than trying to treat the emotion itself, I hope you are able to find some space for yourself to grieve and ground yourself. With so much going on with your daughter, it sounds like you've got so much on the plate you aren't able to give yourself the healing space you need after such a life-shattering event. The emotion will go away when you feel safe again, and I'm sure that will help you sleep as well. I wish I knew how to guide you there, but maybe some sort of grief counseling would be of benefit to you? There are a lot of free resources for crisis/grief counseling, you may try a google search for your local community. Have you looked into online counseling services like 7 cups or Better Help? If you contact them, they have sliding cost scales in place for low income people - it's much much more affordable than in person therapy. Also, I don't know if you're at all religious, but local churches can also be a great resource for life counseling and even financial assistance. Best of luck and love to you. <3