At college there was one student who I thought stated the obvious saying we are a mix of both, nature and nurture, you have to nurture your nature. I knew this well before college.
I have gone through all different phases, like a typical scapegoat does. Being super responsible ignoring own self, being selfish and destructive. Ending up in a co-dependent relationship almost, it was borderline I think. So I am still trying to find myself.
The bi-polar of my illness has made me quite erratic and unreliable. Even accused of having a split personality. But even though I am branded "schizoaffective" I have never lost my personality, it was always intact. I just slipped into depression and became secretive, I had to. My parents think I am bi-polar. I thought I just grew up really fast because of my illness. In hospital a young loon said I was like some old lady because I didn't converse with patients and drug dealers or get stoned. I was detained in the psych ward, I had to behave, bide my time, just read and keep myself to myself.
Another nurse said I needed to get back to being young again. I always felt it was my fault and my illness, It was me who brought about this disconnect from the world. In a small town everyone knows your business. I went into hiding, had enough. Never seen a pub for years. My sibling, was like at least your getting out now when I decided to re-join society.
When I was couped up, I bought a Swiss army knife, tired of feeling weak...
I handed it in to the nurses. I wasn't hapless, this s%^t is serious