I'm very sorry to hear your relationship is suffering like this. It seems like he might be getting way too involved in his own head (too much time at home can do that to a person). You don't necessarily have to make a drastic decision right off the bat; have you considered maybe a separation? He could possibly surprise you and turn himself around if the threat of losing you becomes real; or, you could find some self empowerment and some clarity to navigate the chaos of a true breakup. In either case, some distance might help you both articulate where you want your lives to be heading, because it certainly doesn't sound like he's happy either.

Best of luck and love to you both, however that works out. <3