Dearest Elsa,
I think it's important for you to speak from your heart, and knowing you, I'm sure you will do so.
I have been through similar with my brother and there seemed to be no "right" words or approach, except to come from the heart when speaking with him. He would not get so defensive.
You've been almost constantly on my mind the past two days, which made me think you have something very important happening. I was going to PM you tonight in order to check on you, and here you are, telling us what's going on.
Much Love to You and Yours.

WC