I have been going to Physical Therapy twice a week for over two months for a neck / back injury, after doing some strengthening exercises, the P.T. would work on my neck / back to try to loosen up some of the muscles.

On Monday when I went, It was busy ( because of the holiday, they were closed on Tuesday) and I was shown some new exercises, and he didn’t have time to work on my back. I left disappointed. I’m not a touchy feely kind of person, In fact I trust very few people to do so.

I was really surprised by how upset I was that I didn’t have that physical touch. I spent a lot of time wondering what it meant and what would happen when I was released from P.T. It actually left me feeling a little raw and vulnerable when I went into see him Thursday.

At the beginning of session on Thursday when we were discussing how I felt things were going with P.T. He suggested that it might be a good time see how I do for a week or two on my own and maybe have me continue at home after that if things went well.

After I did my strengthening exercises, he went to work on my back, but I was a little tense over worrying what will happen when it ends and I lose this little bit of physical contact. He usually works from the head of the table, but because I was so tense, he worked lower down my back to try to get me to relax and loosen up. He had to move to the side of the table to reach the lower back area.

The thing is the way I was laying and he was standing, I could feel his thigh and another anatomical part of his body, brushing up against my arm. I don’t think he even realized that it was happening, until it gave a little twitch. At which point I stiffened, out of reflex. He leaned down closer to me so no one could hear him, and asked if I was Ok. And that I knew I was safe there. The thing that surprised me the most was that it really didn’t upset me, I was more worried and anxious that this would be the last time he’d work on my back / physical touch.

Now I’m totally freaked out that it didn’t bother and what it means... Am I totally crazy or is this a normal part of healing from childhood abuse?