S (ex T)...again

It slapped me in the face -- hearing you’d arrived in Arizona. I don’t know why. But it did. I started to cry immediately, though I assume you’re now fully immune to my crying and that it means nothing anymore. And I’m so insanely jealous of the people who will get to have you as a therapist. I’m insanely jealous that you’ll have the emotional reserve to be there for them, but not for me. It’s agonizing and unfair, and I hate it. So much. You don’t want me as a client anymore, which I can only hear as... you don’t want me...you don’t want to support me anymore, you don’t want to deal with my **** anymore. I’m too much. I was too much. I’m still too much. You don’t have the reserve for someone like me. I don’t know what to do. I am so angry at myself for getting to this place of needing you. I am so angry that I can’t bounce back. I am at a loss for how to get through, get over this. I don’t know how to get over you.