I don't think I said anything when she said it or at least I can't remember what I said. All i remember doing is pretending everything was fine and normal when inside my head I was so angry, hurt and confused.

I do feel toyed with BudFox. I feel as though she made me feel this way as she wanted more, but as soon as I wanted it too she didn't want it anymore. I gave her a token of my love and she even understood it as so. It was her favorite animal hand carved from a gemstone which symbolizes love. When I gave it to her she even identified it as "the gemstone of love and relationships". The words came out of her own mouth. She was over the moon with the gift and extremely happy with me telling me she know's just how much thought I put into it etc. She didn't put me in my place, she didn't tell me she liked me back. She just took the gift, was really happy about it and then asked me out for icecream where she then told me she wanted to be my mentor. Right now I sit here lonely as hell wondering if she even gave me a second thought today. I hate the way my life turned out and I feel as though I could stop existing and nobody would miss me. It felt like my purpose in life was to visit her every week. I have nothing left now.

I don't hate her or feel angry with her. I just feel so very foolish for not only developing feelings for my therapist, but ever being so naive to believe anything good was going to come of it. I think deep down I knew it was never going to be happily ever after, but I just wanted to take the chance and risk encase things worked out in the end.

I'm coming to terms with my own vulnerability, foolishness and naive nature. I thought I was wise before my age, but maybe I have a lot more growing up to do.