t i am full of feelings tonight. i wish i knew what happened yesterday. somehow we touched the very core of the anger that's deep inside of me and it ruined everything just like I have always been afraid that it would. why do you think i hate it. why do you think i don't let myself get angry. because you were wrong - you were so wrong when you said my father's anger was not my anger. IT IS. You somehow made me unleash it and now I have ruined everything and I am left wandering in the debris alone. did you know what you were doing? DID YOU?

I said "i hate you" yesterday.

I don't hate you.

I still love you and I want to fix this but I can't fall back into that same pattern and take all the blame on myself. It takes two to tango. You are just as much to blame as I am.

Besides, I don't know if this is even fixable.

I suppose it is, since you said that even if I'd walked out and slammed the door you would still have let me back in. But you know, you saying that almost breaks my heart even more.

I hate evenings. I was feeling so much better earlier with the good stuff that happened today. Evenings are so hard when I am feeling too much.

Yeah. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep again tonight. I hope you have thought about this some. I really do.

Can this rupture be repaired, t? Can it? Should it? Do I want it to be? Do you want it to be?

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?