I had a productive session with T yesterday and although I'm feeling quite good about it, one thing has been bothering me. I was talking about how I need T to be hopeful for me particularly when I'm losing hope as she is the only support I really have at the moment. T asked what would happen if she also lost hope, what would I do? I said I couldn't see a point in continuing therapy if that were the case and I would want to quit but would find it hard or impossible to do so. T then asked me if I feel bound to our relationship and asked if I would like to be able to leave if I wanted to. She asked if that was something I would like to work towards. The first thought that popped into my head was "T wants me to leave" I quickly brushed that thought away because I didn't want to deal with it but now I can't get it out of my head.

I know that it is a important and healthy thing to be able to leave a relationship when it becomes unhelpful or harmful but the thought of leaving T is so scary and upsetting to me. Also, keep in mind I do not currently feel like my relationship with T is unhelpful or harmful in anyway, this was merely a hypothetical scenario. I know it is irrational but I keep thinking the reason T said these things was because she has had enough of me and wants me gone