I'm currently undiagnosed but after not being able to get out of bed for the past two days, and getting myself educated on what bipolar actually is, I'm convinced I may have it. This is about my fourth 'downer / couldn't get out of bed' stint this year, coupled with some extremely wild and self-destructive blow outs. I don't experience psychosis or hallucinations but a lot of the behaviours I'm reading on here, I can definitely relate to. Mine are generally fueled by alcohol. Ok I'll start by listing a few of the standouts:

- Bought a $2500 pair of boots because a celebrity I like wore them and I became obsessed with finding out where they were from so I could have them too
- Bought $2000 worth of hair extensions when my hair is already very long, I wanted it longer
- Was a high end escort for a few years - I realise now that the appeal was likely the fact I could indulge my hyper sexuality and cravings for attention. I didn't need the money, I somehow managed to work full time at my day job/career during this time where I earn a large salary anyway. Partied with a number of billionaires and celebrities during this time, and flew around the world with them
- Bought a Mercedes
- Got an email from a property developer announcing a new land release, left work that minute (it was the middle of the day) and then bought a block of land - no pre planning, no second thoughts, I just had to have it. Turned out to be a good investment but still very impulsive
- A history of train wreck relationships where I'm madly in love one minute and then bored the next - like I'm obsessed with making men fall in love with me in order to fill a void and get some sort of validation
- Moved in with last 3 bfs after a very short time, including an interstate move
- Bought a dog with ex, moved home, insisted on bringing dog
- Bought a cat with a different ex, moved home, insisted on bringing cat
- A long list of inappropriate nudity, sexcapades and cheating including bathrooms at clubs and bars
- A drug-fueled bender at my global office at which I hold a senior role (after hours) that lasted until around 6am the next morning. A worked from downstairs popped in early that morning for work and found me doing a glory lap in my bra with my underwear on inside out and back to front. Luckily I was running so fast round the office he didn't recognize me but the story still got out. Thank god no one checked CCTV
- Thousands of dollars worth of home delivery takeout
- Got a very **** tattoo. I am not a tattoo person AT ALL

Although not proud of many of my past actions and choices, I'm getting some relief now that I'm beginning to understand the pattern of behaviour and what's been causing it this whole time. I was starting to think I was bad, but maybe I'm just a little bit mad and need some help.