J (new T) is back today, and I'll see him after work. I'm kind of sad about it, honestly. Because he's not S (ex T). And because I don't really feel anything positive about J being back or seeing him. No relief. The pain I was feeling is still right here, not in any way soothed by stupid J being back. It's just not even close to the same. I feel I could honestly stop therapy with J completely and feel no pain over it -- part of me wants to walk away. I'm actually almost irritated/angry that he's back. IDK. I feel like I had a tiny connection with him before his vacation, but now I don't have any, and I am like... just angry in his direction.