so i took Xanax and headed to my session i left completely confused . she was actually quite cute in a funny kind of way. she had moved into a new office and you can see into the office as you walk u the stairs into the waiting room. i had texted her and told her i was running a bit late and when i walked up the stairs i could see in the office and she was laying on the couch watching the stairs. she smiled and said there you are then got up. the problem is i swear last week when she told me she was leaving she also said the good news is she will no longer be changing offices that the person she was going to share it with took a different office and it worked out that she could stay in this office. and when i asked her about it she said her and some other T will be using this office . i just let it go it was not worth the argument . she said she was not sure i was going to come back . i told her ive been sleeping a lot and taking a lot of xanax and here i am .her response was wow you know you can talk to me about how you are feeling and whats going on. this was such a turning point for me . i have wasted time before and i didnt want to this time . i explained this to her and she said that i had not wasted her time at all she simply felt that i would talk when i was ready. i said and now your leaving.i told her about the list i had been working on but how it didnt matter now. she asked why and i told her it was to much to deal with in 6 months .i told her that i was terrified that im going to be who i am forever .her response was would that be so bad would that be so bad ? why? i said again because im just a horrible person . her usual response of im not a horrible person brought up even more hopelessness . she said i should bring the list in so we could get working on it. i just shook my head no. she asked you dont want to, why? i said again its too much for 6 months. she suggested not looking at it as if there is a time line . then things seemed to change again . she said she wanted me to know that therapy was not forever that eventually she will want to do something else . then she said she may not find anything else to do and stay a therapist . now im completely confused . she said she isnt going to gust up and leave and kick me out in the middle of our work . she told me that my upbringing is one of the most horrific one she has heard and that we have invested a lot into working on that. i took this chance to let her know that she has helped me a lot and that i had changed my list from things i needed to work on to wanting to let her know the things she has helped me with. i started to share some of that with her . she smiled then asked ,so whats first on the list of things we need to work on . i guess the mother. but i dont think she realizes how much is on my list . she thinks she does but i doubt it. and is she leaving or not im so confused