Thank you so much for your kind words, it means the world to me to help, even just a little bit. I'm definitely no expert and I'm still struggling myself, but it is very comforting to know there are others who have similar struggles and that we don't have to go it alone.

I think that when attachment is really difficult for you, it makes it seem urgent when you do find a connection that has meaning for you. I totally get that instinct to hold on to it tightly, and it make it work. I think our best friend in these situations is patience. It takes a lot of energy to be patient, but acting too quickly and without all the information we need can be reckless and result in more pain than is needed. I think sometimes it forces the other person to make a decision that they aren't prepared to make, when you may have better results by waiting for them to establish a connection with you in their own time/way. I've been trying to force myself to patient and it isn't easy, but I've been at it for a couple years now and it has greatly reduced my anxiety to do so. I have a tendency to over analyze the people around me (looking for evidence that they are preparing to leave me), and I've said things in the past that I regret and damaged relationships by making drastic statements or spilling guts and overwhelming the other person. Especially if you haven't really broached the topic at all, I'd worry that spilling your guts to this girl may be more than she's ready to handle this early on in your relationship. I've had to accept that most people don't feel the sense of urgency in relationships that I do, and things go much more smoothly if I can take a deep breath and let things unfold in their own time. I wish I could say this could be done without putting pressure on yourself, but it is necessary to do so sometimes. It's really hard to ask someone for a cup of coffee when what you really want is to express your love, but if you think through it logically, when you hold space for someone rather than pulling them into your space, you can get a more accurate reading of where that person is at in the relationship rather than putting them on the spot. I know that holding in your feelings when they are that intense is really difficult - when I get overwhelmed and the stress becomes too much, I just focus on simple breathing exercises. The one that works best for me is is the 4-7-8 method. Inhale while counting to 4 (so your lungs should be completely full at 4), then hold while counting from 1 to 7, and then start over at 1 again and slowly exhale while counting to 8 (so your lungs should be completely empty at 8). After repeating that a few times, breath normally for a few breaths, and then repeat as needed. I find that after a couple cycles, my anxiety is reduced and I can better focus on the moment and be patient with the situation I'm facing.

I'm always happy to talk to if you ever need someone to rant to or bounce ideas off of. I'm rooting for you!