Sweetie I am so sorry you are feeling such despair. Pregnancy can be an emotionally rocky time at the best of times but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate to cope. First of all please give yourself love and kindness - you need and deserve that so you can be the best mother you can to your children - you are important.

Please seek help and support any way you can. I am not in the US but have heard NAMI is very good - please check Google to see what charities and support groups there are locally to you. If nothing else please check in with us - we are here to listen.