My past is nowhere near as bad as yours, but I understand what you mean. Bullied during elementary and middle school, being an extroverted kid with bad social skills, was basically a walking zombie due to stress and unsatisfying sleep at some point, moved to a new city every 2-3 years, no close relationships (or at least any that can last for more than the 2-3 year time frame), no real sense of self identity until college started about 4 years ago, and just being all around lonely despite being around people. I wish that I can just forget and start over from this point in time. I kind of gave up being social at this point, but at the same time, there have been times that I envy other people that have lifelong friends/confidants.