Warning: This is probably more of a vent then anything else...

I feel like absolute **** tonight. Each day is surprising me by ending up worse than the day before, when I already thought it had got as bad as it could.

I finally agreed to go IP on Wednesday, but there is a lack of beds so I'm still waiting. I'm having to see the crisis team twice a day until they find me a bed, they are also in charge of giving me my meds. (They stole my stash for safety reasons)

I'm also not allowed to go out and crisis team have informed my parents to call the police if I do go out. My dad has been staying home from work, even staying up into the early hours to make sure I don't manage to sneak out I guess.

And now I don't even want to go to the ****ing hospital. But I feel if I refuse now they will just section me and force me to go, so no choice really.

I just do not see the point. Spending a few days in hospital isn't going to make a difference. I'm going to leave still wanting to be dead so why bother?



Everything is just too damn hard right now, I can't do it.