Being single certainly sucks, so I would not wish solitude on anybody noble, that is. We're a social species, so we need company. Intimacy. Approval. Whatever it is labelled as. However, it's also not the end of the world when you are left alone, and I think most humans in this day and age are fickle anyway. Trying to find "the right one" for you is so awkward, because the dating scene is a big numbers game in itself.

I have never really had a true relationship with any woman, because the one so-called girlfriend I did have only stuck around for as long as she did because she wanted my benefits. She used me for my cash, and I was rejected by every other lady I took a fancy to, so I was so caught up on trying to make it work for us, but she was never interested in me as a boyfriend. And I've often paid for sex with escorts, but I found I mostly didn't enjoy it. It's probably because I was not relaxed around those women I saw, and it worked out to be pretty expensive handing over £100 a lot, but never being able to have an orgasm. People berated me for using my income for sexual gratification, when it is none of their beeswax what I choose to do with my own life. Getting an erection has been an issue for me in my adulthood, and I'm not even sure if it's all down to anxiety either.

Some guys can go screw a stranger this instant, and feel fulfilled. For me, sex with a strange woman does nothing. Just to prove my point here, I'd been seeing the same hooker for ages as well, thinking that punting with a regular lady in a non-relationship setting was meant to be good surrogate intimacy, and I wasted so much cash, because when I had sex with her, I could not feel a thing. Even when I took Viagra, the painful erection would only kick in after I'd seen her, and the horrible headaches I suffered after taken a dose of that crap was so annoying.

My ex was an absolute cow, by the way. She met me in 2005 and I was not with her for very long. Yet I had her stuck in my head since she was the only girlfriend I really had, besides another girl I went out with briefly. It wasn't until in 2012 that I found this waste of space, after all this grief I went through just to find her. All she did was rip me off, mistreat me, lie to me, and really muck me around something awful. Her family members also abused me, yet I'd never done anything to them at all. So eventually, I decided that I'd always be alone. In a manner of speaking, I just swallowed my pride and gave up caring about others, then I declared myself as being retired because my social anxiety ended up so chronic; I got so sick of the BS that I went through with me being hurt by people I opened up to, so I decided I would forget about humans and take comfort in my own possessions instead, like my horror DVDs collection. Sometimes, I look back and think that if I had never met certain people, and just played my video games and watched films in place of the great effort I put in with those proven zealots, nothing bad would have transpired. Although that's not even a healthy way to live one's life. Is it?

My mate is 56 now, and he is kind of like me in a sense, because he has all this knowledge on model trains and old music, but socially, the two of us are rather dense in that regard. Honestly, I feel like some sort of a misfit.