I haven't followed any previous posts on this, so forgive me if I'm missing some history (it feels like I might be missing something).

I think this is actually kind of complicated, with lots going on.

First, does this T have any actual understanding of attachment issues? Is that something she has studied and treats regularly? Because she sounds like she doesn't know what the heck she's doing.

The sarcastic response when you told her that you added her to your phone contacts is just so sad and inappropriate. Sarcasm feels mean to me. I get that it's fairly normal in life, and a way we deal with stuff, but I think that it's not appropriate response in therapy. It's sort of prickly, isn't it? I mean, to me, it sounds like she's judging/shaming you for not putting her in the phone sooner ("Oh, it's only been a year...").

I think there are many better ways that a T could respond! Some might actually focus on what you're saying here - that they're officially a part of your life, you've let down a wall, somewhere, and are letting them in! That's great, they should respond with some acknowledgement of that!

(The new T that I'm seeing would probably say something like, "Wow! I realize how few people you choose to put in to your phone, and I'm honored. How does it feel to you, to have me be in your life 'officially'?")

I think a different approach would be to not necessarily validate, but to talk about the meaning - what does it mean to you, why now, why so few people... all valid paths for exploration, right?

But, the sarcasm thing seems really off to me. I'm sorry she responded like that!

re: Calling you out on your behavior... this is a really hard one for me. My last T considered himself "tough" and was definitely "not here to be your friend". He told me that he saw his job as "asking the hard questions". And, that totally didn't work for me. There was actually a lot that I liked about him, but therapy was like banging my head against a wall.

I wonder if that might be helpful - for some people, in some circumstances... but not for everyone. Does it feel helpful to you? Do you welcome her "calling you out" as honest, genuine, helpful feedback? Or would you do better with someone with more tact and understanding?

I really wanted to feel like my T was on my side, and it's hard for me to feel like that if someone is calling me out and calling me rude. Come to think of it, that last T, for all his toughness - would NOT have said something like that (I think).

I'm curious too, if you don't mind sharing, how did you end up returning to this T? Did you talk to any others? It's very hard, in my opinion, to find a good T - although some people luck in to it.. and personality match can be such a huge thing. Do you think that you might do better with someone who is a better match for you?

You said, "At the end, she asked what would have happened had she not contacted me and why I didn't contact her." - so she contacted you after you left? Had you actually quit therapy at that point - or did you just leave without setting up another appointment. Most good Ts won't chase you down like this, I think, so that's a red flag to me.

(Oooh... and the "feeling seen" thing is such a huge one for me too! If your T doesn't even understand what you mean or care that you're not feeling seen, that would be another big red flag for me. I'm sorry!)

Good luck!