Why? Ugh I'm so frustrated and pissed and sad and mad and now I have all these thoughts in my head. I want to run away, escape. I hate feeling this way. I don't think I'm in an episode as I've been doing relatively better recently but I had normal feelings of frustration over a situation that happened tonight but now my head is spinning and the cycle of thought has begun and my feelings have turned to sadness and frustration and it's so much I just want to break stuff or scream and I don't want to be here I just want to run away but that won't get me out of my head. Why does this happen to me¿ I tried writing on here earlier and my husband was looking over my shoulder and I turned my phone away quickly because I kind of use this how I used to use my journal and I didn't want him reading that and I don't want him reading here either. This was my safe place to vent and rant and talk with people who understands me and now I feel like it has been intruded upon and this might be my last post for awhile because I know he'll try to get my phone when I'm not looking and read my stuff. He has done this in the past with my journal that I had that I shared with my therapist and now I can't journal. So I also feel frustrated about that and something else that happened earlier and now I just idk..... I just wish I wasn't me or that things were different maybe. I just can't handle being here right now.