Ugh.
I've been given two referrals for a new T.
I'm a middle aged Caucasian female.
One T is an older (50-50?) Caucasian male but what I've seen online has a full time private practice and wears crazy shirts and helps a lot of LGBTQ youth. I'm in a minority group myself. But can't trust guys.
Other T is my age, Indian, female and works part time in private practice and picked by my last T that recently quit private practice. I miss him so much. Anyway.
Last T did refer me to someone else, but an older male, smaller than me, very quiet, and I just felt utterly creeped out. Not what I expected because he works with children.
Initially, I only wanted someone as a back up plan for my meds because my GP isn't comfortable with that as I'm on a high dose.
Have been seeing a psychologist but only have a few sessions left with her. and she says it's possible I have PTSD. I know I need to work through everything that happened in my marriage.
The last three years was unpacking my childhood trauma and dealing with the practicalities of the split, police, court, etc. And now things have settled down, stuff from the marriage is coming up and I need to dump that somewhere to be able to really heal. I thought I wouldn't deal with that stuff until I met someone who would make me want to get over the past and be able to have a healthy relationship.
But now I feel like I have to deal with it now because of the PTSD and I want to get better. But I need a solid, stable safe place to dump it, not ad hoc monthly appointments to keep my head above the water in supporting the kids with their dad.