So I have a problem with anger. Not that I get angry but that I hardly ever get angry and if I do, I do my best not to show it or express it and basically hide it so no one ever knows that I was angry. And I also hate when someone gets mad at me. I can't stand it and I'll do almost anything to avoid it. Not healthy, I know.

So it happened. I never thought I could get mad at my T but somehow I did and I didn't even realize it right away. I was just being quiet and looking away which is not unusual for me when we're talking about something uncomfortable, but he tried to find my eyes and when he did, he somehow realized it and said "you're mad at me". I wanted to deny at first but couldn't and just apologized and said yes, but I don't know why and he said it's ok. And then we just went back to talking whatever we were talking about.

To be honest, at that time it felt good for some reason.. The fact that l let myself be mad at him tells me I am getting really comfortable around him and I don't have a need to hide things, and also the fact that he was able to tell from basically nothing

But now part of me just wants to be mad at him and I can't figure out if I just want to be throwing tantrum like a little kid or get real mad and leave and show him I don't need him. But I know I do.

So I don't know if this is a good thing or bad. Cause now it's going to feel like a real relationship which I think it's not. And while I am calm and quiet person, most of my relationships end with drama and I think I am afraid this is heading that way too.

So I think question is mostly for people not comfortable expressing anger, but would love to hear from anyone... If it helpful to express it even if it's something little, does it ever go anywhere or you just both get angry and the relationship goes sour? I know a lot of people are able to work through anger with their therapist but for me anger seems like a very scary emotion and not something I like to admit. Sorry if this is confusing, I'm just really confused right now. There was so much more productivity in that session but this is what stuck with me