I am glad you let yourself cry. Crying is healing. He was very kind and dear to you. It's no wonder you are reacting in this manner. How many people in your life have you had show you that much genuine care?

I am grateful you had him for the time you did. It is good to know someone reached out to you and showed you the love and kindness you deserve even when you didn't know how to accept it. I do hope you're able to reconnect with him someday. For now though, focus on getting you "in order". Get yourself started down whatever road in life you want and improve your "self"s. (self love, self respect, self esteem, self image, etc) not saying you need to greatly increase all those things... but I think most of us here (myself included) have at least one or two of them we can improve on.