Oh no. I'm sorry.
It's totally up to you of course. But my feeling is that it would be good to go. I mean you've been feeling really bad already haven't you? So it seems to me it's unlikely you would end up feeling worse than you do already, and on the other hand you may feel better afterwards. I know this T messed up about contact. But he has helped you a lot in other ways hasn't he?
I'm sorry for being bossy and you could ignore me if it's not helpful! I'm just wishing you could feel better