I know...You're mad at him. And I know you say you don't want help. But you contacted him for a reason. If you didn't care about yourself at all, you wouldn't have bothered. And you wouldn't have posted here. You would have just self-destructed. I think deep down, you do want help. Maybe not from him, and certainly not from your mom, but from somewhere. At least some part of you has some hope. Grab onto that part.